I'm beginning to think that I have "bloggers block"!!!! When I first began to blog it was intended to be focused on breast cancer; I wanted it to be inspirational and uplifting! Problem is I don't always feel positive and inspired when I want to write. Sometimes I feel tired; other times I feel uncertain. We all have good days and bad days; its part of life. Its all o.k.
Today was a "bad day". Although I got up and walked my two hours in the early a.m., I just never could get my groove on. I feel tired and totally exhausted. I realize its probably the tamoxifen. However, I also realize it could be so many other things; it could be emotional and/or the foods I've been eating. That chocolate ice cream cone last evening was mighty good but it sure wasn't what my body needed! But then, its not all about need, is it?
I read an obituary yesterday of a 55 year old that lost her life to breast cancer. I didn't know her personally but she lived in the same town that I grew up in. She was a mother, grandmother, wife, business person, and she was a breast cancer victim. I just haven't been able to get it out of my head. I keep thinking of her family, the loss they feel. I wonder what her diagnosis was, how many nodes were involved, her stage...and so on. I wonder how long she battled the disease and all the particulars about it! She was a beautiful lady and I know she will be dearly missed.
My heart broke last year when Elizabeth Edward's lost her battle. She was such a warrior. She had endured so much in her personal life and it seemed so unfair that she would have to fight breast cancer as well. But then, life is not always fair. Its not always easy. It is what it is, and we just have to try and make the best of it.
So, whether we are making our way through chemo, recovering from surgery or on the losing end and in hospice care........we need to have courage; we need to have faith; we need to have love.
I certainly don't know if breast cancer will take my life but I do know that something will! This life isn't meant to last forever and we must try to live in the moment, in the now! We must try and have grace and dignity whatever our circumstances. This is the legacy we will leave for our loved ones!